


all we see is sky

by orphan_account



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Connor doesn't mind much, Declarations Of Love, Dorks in Love, Drabble, Evan is insecure, Evan is oblivious, Evan loves Connor but he never realized it??, Evan ruining Connor's plans, Everybody Lives, F/F, Fluff, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I wrote this with a broken arm, Love Confessions, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, My anxious bean, One Shot, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is STUPID, i actually hate my writing, proofreading? idk her, seriously, the author is super insecure, very much inspired by for forever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-28 18:30:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10836942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Dear Evan Hansen.” The hug tightened.“DearestEvan Hansen.”Silence.“I love you, too.”aka love confessions, teeth-rotting-fluff, insecure bean Evan and soft-as-hell Connor.





	all we see is sky

**Author's Note:**

> 'sup ya'll I present you this trash that I wrote in one day with a broken arm while on painkillers lol don't expect anything that makes too much sense.
> 
> also, I'm almost certain this is so ooc but it's my first work in this fandom and with this ship so bear with me.
> 
> enjoy or whatever my dudes

Evan didn't know _why_ or _how_ or _when_ did he end up here and like this--and no, that was a lie, he knew the answers to all of those questions but it still didn't prevent him from feeling a bit… Odd. Out of place. Not that being odd was a bad thing, really! Being weird is great and you should embrace your weirdness and not care if people call you a freak, after all, why would it matter if you're having fun! Why did people matter at all? What was the point of caring if it will stop at some point? Not like Evan would know what being cared about felt like. So considering he never experienced it, he shouldn't judge it, right? _Don't judge a book by its cover_ (or in this case; _don't judge a feeling by how you perceive it)_ was the famous saying. And Evan didn't know _why_ his mind was connecting that sentence with this situation because it made no sense because emotions don't have covers, do they? Actually, who he _should_ be connecting that saying with was the boy next to him, who was the clear proof, the perfect evidence that whoever had said that saying (said that saying… english is weird, huh?) must have been, indeed, pretty damn wise.

In his peripheral vision, he caught a glimpse of wavy, unruly brown hair, puffed out cheeks and a button nose. The boy was staring up at the sky, his arms positioned under his head, a small, quirky smile playing on his lips.

Connor Murphy. Yeah, _the_ Connor Murphy. Who threw printers at teachers, wore chipped black nail polish and generally did not give a shit. _That_ Connor Murphy. His… Friend? Could he be called that? Maybe. Probably. Not like Evan knew how friendship works (Jared was his “family friend” damn it!). He just knew there was this kind of warmth in his chest whenever he's around the other. That's friendship, right?

_Right?_

Who was he kidding? _Evan Hansen?_ Friends with _Connor Murphy?_ Yeah, no. Not happening. Connor just pitied him because he was a loner with no friends, and he signed his cast because he pitied him, and he took him out for ice cream because he pitied him, and he sat with him every single lunch break because he pitied him, and he helped him that one time when he had a panic attack in the boy's bathroom because he pitied him, and he called him his “friend” because _he pitied him-_

“Spill.”

And there was it. There was the cue for Evan to let out whatever he had on his mind because _of course_ Connor noticed. _Of course_ he noticed the way Evan's hands began to tremble a bit and how he subconsciously fiddled with the hem of his blue polo shirt and how his breathing began to grow uneven and it was almost as if he had _died_ because he never said a word, he just stood there just… Oh god, they just stood there, together, not saying anything like a bunch of weirdos, oh god, Connor probably thinks he's weird, some sort of a freak who overthinks every little thing-

“Evan.” Connor's voice was stern, commanding, but it carried a slight hint of concern with it. Although Evan was sure Connor would never admit that. “I said spill it. We need to cooperate unless you want us to lay here in silence until dawn.”

Evan flinched. “D-dawn? We're staying here until _dawn?” Is it hot out here or is Evan sweating for no appearent reason?_ He heard Connor shift, but avoided eye contact, mentally scolding himself for that stutter.

“Yeah. That was the plan, wasn't it?” A beat of silence, then: _“Evan.”_

“What?”

“What's going on?” He could hear Connor's frown in his words, but still refused to make eye contact. It would bring his guard down.

“N-nothing. S-sorry.” _Dammit, Hansen, you're being obvious._  

“Okay. You wanted it this way.” Connor sat up and a breeze instantly tangled up his hair, brown locks wavering in the wind. “Good luck finding your way back through the forest.”

“NO. NonononononoConnorwaityoucan’tdothat.”

Their gazes finally met, although Evan's eyes quickly stranded to the devilish grin playing on the other's face.

“Okay, then. You know what to do.”

Evan swallowed harshly, his tongue feeling thick in his mouth. He puffed out his cheeks--which were tinted with the slightest bit of pink--then exhaled. Then repeat. Inhale, exhale, repeat.

After what, to Evan, seemed like a whole century--but in reality was maybe one minute--he opened his mouth.

And nothing came out.

He clamped it back shut, playing with the laces of his sneakers. Still refusing to meet Connor's eyes.

Connor, on the other hand, shamelessly stared at him. Evan could feel his eyes on him and it made him blush a little more.

“Alright then. Pack it up, we're going home. This was a bad idea.” Connor finally broke the awkward silence and began to scramble up to his feet.

Evan gave him a panicked look, and then: “Connorarewereallyfriends?"

It took the other by surprise because he stopped dead in his tracks, slowly lowering himself back on the ground. Evan gnawed on his lip, keeping his eyes low and _away_ from Connor.

“This is what friends do, isn't it?”

Evan's lip twitched in what was almost a smile. “You're asking the wrong person. I never had friends.” He twirled a blade of grass around his finger, and thought _oh how ironic all of this is._

“Why would you ask that? I mean, was there a particular reason _that_ came to your mind?”

Evan let himself fall back into the grass with an ‘ _oof’._ “B-because-” He gulped, again scolding himself for his damned stutter. “Because I think of you as a friend and I don't know what you think of me and maybe you're just pretending to be my friend because you pity me I mean Jared is my family friend just because it benefits him and I felt like maybe you do that too and _oh my god_ now that I think about it all of this sounds really offensive I swear I didn't mean to offend you like you make a great friend and you're amazing and I'm sorry I'm really sorry I just can't see a way you could benefit from me-”

“Slow down.” And like that, Evan's mouth closed shut on its own.

There was silence, then a sigh, and soon enough Connor was back to laying next to Evan. He stared up at the sky again and Evan noticed he only ever looked at Connor when Connor wasn't looking at him.

“You see, I’ve never had friends before either. But I'm pretty sure this gushy mushy feeling I feel around you is friendship. I mean, what else could it be?”

Evan nodded silently, lips pursed in thought. “Y-yeah, it's like, warm and… Stuff.”

“Very specific, Hansen.” Connor laughed and Evan let himself smile. He liked Connor's laugh. Not like he would ever have the guts to say that. There was a beat of comfortable silence, and then: “You should tell me.”

Evan winced. “Huh?”

“Mmm. You should tell me about that _feeling._ I want to know if it matches mine.”

“Oh. Oh! That, yeah, yup, works, um…” Evan rummaged around in his head for a bit, making sure he used the right words to form something at least vaguely understandable. “So, uh, like I said, it's warm. Like, my chest feels warm, but sometimes everything does, and I feel like I'm having a fever, but the good kind. Although a good kind of fever doesn't exist, but anyway…” He began tracing the letters on his cast, the ones that spelled the name of his one and only friend who was sitting in front of him, asking him to talk about his feelings and even though Evan never liked talking about himself and his feelings he still did it for Connor because he liked Connor.

 _Evan_ ** _liked_** _Connor?_

“And uh, it's this kind of dizziness, but the good kind.” His hands began to sweat. “And it's like being drunk, but the good kind.” His whole face felt like it was put 3 inches from the sun to melt. “And your heart just kind of… Either beats really fast, or skips beats. D-depends on the situation, I guess. A-and it's… It-it's just a n-nice feeling. It's not b-bad!”

“That's love.”

Evan froze. “W-what? A-are you sure?”

Connor seemed a bit lost, and now he was the one avoiding eye contact. “Yeah. Zoe feels like that around Alana and the two of them are… Yeah.”

Evan began to tremble, his heart raced, thumping against his ribcage. His breathing grew uneven and it was so hard to stay focused on anything else other than Connor and he wished he could find anything else to keep himself distracted with but everything was just Connorconnorconnorconnor-

_Connor._

He _loved_ Connor Murphy.

And he was so oblivious about it! Something was telling him that friendship wasn't supposed to be _that_ intense but he kept convincing himself that they're probably _really_ good friends and oh god, he actually _loved_ Connor Murphy.

“Y-y-you s-should probably j-just g-go.” Evan choked out through a half-assed laugh, and it was weird because nothing about this was funny and he was laughing and he felt really weird and out of place and he just needed to sort his thoughts out and he couldn't do that with Connor around and maybe that sounded rude but then again he just figured out he loves his friend in a not-friendly way and Connor probably hates him now and he's going to be lonely for forever and-

“No way in hell, Hansen.”

Evan winced. “W-what? N-no, I g-get it, you h-hate me a-and you can leave n-now, I understand. I l-love y-you and t-that’s probably w-weird for y-you and im p-probably ruining e-everything.”

“Goddamn it, Evan.” It was said with a snort and Evan grew even more panicked because Connor was going to _laugh_ at him and leave him stranded here and-

And Connor Murphy was suddenly hugging him, very unsurely, but _still…_

And Evan hugged back without second thought and Connor smelled like cigarettes and deodorant but he didn't mind.

“Dear Evan Hansen.” The hug tightened. _“Dearest_ Evan Hansen.”

Silence.

“I love you, too.”

Evan pulled away, baffled and confused and weirded out and _warm,_ really _really warm._ His eyes found Connor's and he dared to actually look at them, examining the swirls and different shades of blue in the irises. “Y-you do?”

“I think that's what I just said. And that’s why I took you out here. I wanted to tell you during the sunrise, but I guess you were a tad bit faster than me.”

And Connor Murphy laughed and Evan Hansen felt like that laugh was just for him and that smile was just for him and he just wanted Connor just for himself because he _loved_ him.

Evan's hand found Connor's cheek and his broken arm rested on Connor's knee. And then, in a speed of a lighting bolt, he _kissed_ Connor Murphy. 

It was short and sweet, but meaningful and it took Connor by surprise. His eyes shot open in bewilderment but he still kissed back as quickly as possible.

Evan was the first one to pull back again, breathless and proud because _damn_ he just made the first move without _anyone's_ support and that was… A big thing. Especially for someone like Evan.

And then it hit him that maybe, Connor didn't want to be kissed and all of this was a mistake. He inspected his nails for invisible dust and then choked out: “I'm s-sorry that w-was really inconsiderate, d-did you even w-want that?”

And then Connor was kissing _him._ This time more passionate and possessive. He pulled away and smacked his lips, smiling. “Does that answer your question?”

Evan's smile reflected his. “Definitely.”

They went back to laying down in the soft grass, only this time it wasn't silent and awkward, but chatty and… Nice. Evan's head was in Connor's lap and Connor's fingers were tangled in Evan's hair, and it was warm and content and _happy._

“So,” Evan began, pursing his lips. “what are you planning to do during the sunrise _now_ considering your previous plan was ruined.”

Connor smiled. “More like _made better.”_ He hummed in thought, then licked his lips.

“I think I just might ask you out on a date.”

Evan winced. _“Might?”_

“Mmhmm. If you don't beat me to it again.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this instead of studying for a chemistry exam and I barely got a C please love me
> 
> I'm rereading this and it's SO bad, god help me but I'm positing it anyway. don't hurt me I'm fragile lmao
> 
> thank you so much for reading! Excuse any errors and/or mistakes I made.
> 
> kudos and comments always appreciated! (seriously, I'll probably scream about it)


End file.
